Click here to see what I had done in this class!
the second 300-level course i took in university, and to be honest, it was not easy at all. but thanks to this course, i experienced, perhaps for the first time, just how challenging university life can be. as a higher-level course, it introduced me to many complex theories that i am still only halfway to fully understanding. the assignments were meaningful but demanding, pushing me beyond my comfort zone in writing while also challenging and reinforcing my creativity.
cmns333 made me question a lot when i first planned for the fall semester. i am somene who avoids conflict at all costs, so why would i choose to study conflict? on the first day, alaa—my lovely instructor—waked into class with a warm presence and gave no sign that this would be a fight-or-flight kind of course. i still remember the very first question she asked us: “what words came to mind when you hear the word ‘conflict’?” i couldn’t say fight, because as adults, we don’t fight to resolve conflict—we talk. or, in other words, we communicate. looking back now, i realize this course was ultimately about how we converse to solve conflict. at its core, communication studies is about speaking wisely to achieve a goal, and in this class, that goal was conflict resolution and strenthening relationships. throughout the course, alaa introduced us to many theories from two important sources, conflict and communication by fred jandt (2017), and difficult conversations: how to discuss what matters most by stone, patton and heen (2010).
not gonna lie, week 2 is a lecture I will always remember. we returned to the root of why conflict happens in the first place, which often comes from assumptions. we are human, and when we are involved in disagreements, we naturally defend ourselves. in these moments, our assumptions about others’ intent are often wrong because they are shaped by the impact of their actions on us. when we feel hurt, we believe they intended to hurt us. rather than focusing only identifying the root of conflict, we learned about different conflict styles and perspectives, both western and non-western. this included the thomas-kilmann conflict mode instrument, which emphasizes concern for self (assertiveness) and concern for others, as well as anedo’s (2012) schema of non-western conflict styles. in many west african and east asian cultures, harmony is a central value, and the ability to interact harmoniously is conseried a core component of communication competence.
through class exercies, readings and my own lived experiences, i identified my conflict style as avoidance. as i’ve said, i’m not a conflict magenet, and i’m not particularly interested in dealing with conflict—my own or others’. according to the TKI framework, avoidance is often descrived as unassertive and uncollaborative, a label i only partially agree with. i shared my perspective of this concern in my first reflection. it is available through this link, i’d love to hear your perspective—what is your conflict communication style, and do you think it always works?
for me, the answer is no.
in my second reflection, i shared that i wish i could turn off my avoiding tendencies and turn on a more collaborative style, especially when navigating difficult conversations with my older brother. growing up, we had countless arguments, big and small. thankfully, we always found our way back to forgiveness and better understanding. collaboration, as i always believe, encourages people to work together toward solutions that satisfy both parties. this reflection was largely based on an interview podcast i recorded with my best friend, dean since we were seven. we bonded over our shared experiences with older brothers, and through this assignment, i not only gained a deeper understanding of what works and what doesnt’t, but also understand dean on a much deeper level.
how we perceive conflict is deeply shaped by our cultural background. when we talk about conflict, we talk about culture. we talk about identity. we talk about ethinicity. in week four, we explored the concept of individualistic versus collectivistic cultures, as well as high- and low-context communication styles. coincidentally, i was also taking an intercultural communication course that same semester, which allowed me to connect and reinforce ideas across both classes.
we also learned about negotiation and meditation, the topics i admittedly need to revisit. much of it passed through my mind too quickly, so this will be an area i plan to focus on during winter break. during a group assignment, i worked with a friend who has some of the strongest negotiation skills i’ve seen. toghter, we created a poster titled “how to navigate blaming in the workplace.”
basically, the poster assignment required us to propose reconciliation strateigies solving one particular conflict situation in the workplace. we chose balming as it is unavoidable as we instinctively defend ourselves to avoid fault in failed situations.
our poster got full mark, yayy! we integrated strategies, such as integrative negotiation, contribution thinking, hocker-wilmot conflict mapping, and “letting go.” these approaches are not only useful for workplace conflicts but also applicable to real-life situations and close relationships.
i’ve never been a fan of yelling or loud confrontations. growing up, i saw my parents argue a few times while i stayed silent in my room, pretending nothing was happening. i don’t know if it was fear, helplessness or simply not knowing what to do, but those moments shaped who i am today. this class has helped me understand that while silence can somtimes be a thoughtful chocie, it can also be a loss when it stops me from assertiving my feelings and opinions. my feelings, my opnions deserve to be heard.
as this class comes to an end, i find myself sitting at Trees on a saturday evening, reflect on what i’ve learned, and what i still need to relearn. i’m grateful to alaa for being a passionate and caring instructor. there were moemnts when i felt my questions or concerns were overlooked, but i understand how demanding it can be to manage a large class. despite that, i gained valuable lessions that have prepared me for future courses, and for future conflicts!
conflict is not always something to fear. it is an obstacle we grow through, learn from, and eventually overcome.